Grumpy Owd Twat Blog

Who the f**k are they?

BoldBelvoir — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 17:29:18 +0000

Have you noticed the abnormal amount of time the media (and, it seems to me, the BBC in particular) gives to the American Presidential election? The whole process takes about a year and has only just started.

Expect screens to be bombarded almost weekly with ‘news’ of banal ‘candidates’ with zero charisma and cheesy grins [...]

Standard fitting? My arse!

BoldBelvoir — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 10:48:23 +0000

So, the extractor hood in the kitchen dies. Off we go down to the electrical store to get a replacement. There’s a nice shiny replacement available for a reasonable price. On the box it says ‘Standard Fitting’, which I naïvely mistook for ‘old hood comes down, new hood goes in its place’.

But [...]

Dead lazy…

BoldBelvoir — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 08:52:49 +0000

Dead bird found in bag of salad? Here’s an idea – buy some salad stuff fresh off the market and make the fucker yourself. Idle git!

Hats off to the Tributes

BoldBelvoir — Sun, 05 Jun 2011 11:33:57 +0000

Now I know I’m best at being grumpy, but I do like a good larf now and then, believe it or not.

I recently listened to Rick Wakeman on his Planet Rock radio show, on which there was a request for listeners to phone in to the show with the funniest names for [...]

Euroshizen.

BoldBelvoir — Sat, 14 May 2011 11:39:02 +0000

Jedwank? Bluech? Fuck, it must be Euroshizen time again. I’m off out for a pint.

Why is it named Eurovision anyway? Surely it should be Eurosonic or Eurosound. Bloody misleading if you ask me!

Incoming!

BoldBelvoir — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 08:25:34 +0000

Jesus’ penis! I’m gonna lock myself in a bunker. Call me when it’s all over!

Twat!

BoldBelvoir — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 15:29:55 +0000

A couple of nights ago I watched a boy, maybe 7 or 8 years old, kicking an empty bottle around the pavement, while (presumably) his mother watched on in silence.

The bottle predictably fell into the gutter and smashed. “You fucking twat!” shouted the mother. I couldn’t have put it better myself.

What a wonderful [...]

No Cycles!

BoldBelvoir — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 17:17:50 +0000

I dunno, but I reckon the guy who painted that sign should’ve used bigger letters.

Tracking useless!

BoldBelvoir — Thu, 13 Jan 2011 23:47:32 +0000

I have just been on the Royal Mail web site to track a parcel that was dispatched two days ago. I enter my ’13 character reference number’ as asked, and hey presto! It comes back with “Recorded Signed For™ items are only tracked after the item has been delivered.”

After it is delivered? What kind [...]

Personal service lives!

BoldBelvoir — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 13:48:59 +0000

Apparently I was wrong about personal service in my last post. So much so, the BBC is making a series about it – ‘Michel Roux’s Service‘. I’ve just seen a preview clip of it and OMG! does it look exciting!

That last bit was sarcastic.

Yet another friggin’ ‘reality’ programme (about [...]