Enough to send you bleeping mad!

By On · 1 Comment · In Whinge

Radar screenAnother observation about television land. Have you noticed, almost without exception, every time a computer screen is featured in a film or drama, it bleeps and whistles like R2D2 on friggin’ acid?

Query: Bleeeeeeeeep blip blip blip dooooooooop!

Zoom in: dit dit dit dit dit bweeeeeeeeb!

Locked on target: Bloooop bloooop bloooop!

Gimme a friggin’ break! Computers don’t do that. At least mine doesn’t, else I’d give it a good kicking. No. I’m afraid, once again, it’s done for dramatic effect, just like the Hollywood swallow and gun holding as my previous whinges.

Strictly no BBC1

By On · 2 Comments · In Whinge

Well, I must have been a happy bunny for the last few weeks, as I haven’t posted for a while. But today was a dark, dark day for me. Note the date: 26th August.

Today I heard the first mention of a new series of ‘Strictly Come Dancing’. It was on the Breakfast news this morning, although quite what it has to do with news is beyond me. I have no doubt this programme is going to get blanket coverage on BBC1 for several months to come (see my previous post).

Be afraid. Be very afraid. Da da da da, da da daa, Da da da da, daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggghhh!!!

Bowls of wood???

By On · 1 Comment · In Whinge

I’m out of work at the moment and every time the little lady walks out the door on her way to work I must admit that I do feel little pangs of guilt (now and then). So, yesterday I decided I’d better do my bit and make an effort to help around the house. I’d do the vacuuming and dusting.

Now, it’s not exactly hard work, but fuck is it fiddly!. By fiddly, I mean all those bloody ornaments scattered all over the house. They all have to be moved to dust underneath them, then all dusted individually as well.

And there’s loads of them – I counted 103 to be precise, all without function. Lanterns, candles, pictures, dolls, bottles, bowls of dried wood. Bowls of dried wood!!! What the fuck’s all that about?

Well, I did it this time, but that’s dusting ruled out of my life from now on. If she wants to keep bowls of dried wood, she can dust ‘em herself.

How do they know?

By On · Add Comment · In Observation

Now here’s one that’s been bugging me for years. Perhaps someone out there knows the answer. If so PLEEEEASE post a comment!

You know when there’s a big accident or a grizzly murder and there is hardly anything left of the poor bugger to name them from? So the forensic peeps turn to dental records to identify the body – you hear it quite often on the news.

Now here’s the thing: If they can’t identify the body, how do they know who their dentist is?

The Holywood Swallow.

By On · Add Comment · In Observation

Who shall I have a go at today? I know! Those idiots who throw their heads back when swallowing an aspirin or some such other pill. What the fuck’s all that about?

“Oooh, it’s hard to get down”, I’m told. Bollocks! An aspirin’s about as small as you can get (except for a microdot… so I’m told!). What about when you’ve a gob full of mashed potato at the dinner table? – You don’t keep on throwing your head back every time you swallow, like some sort of demented lizard or a blood-crazed T.Rex off Jurassic Park.

No, I think you’ve seen it on telly. I think it’s a Hollywood swallow, designed so that viewers actually know that the actor is supposed to be swallowing something. The same kind of point that I made about Hollywood gun holding in my previous post. Bloody Yanks. They’ve a lot to answer for.

Superstitious?

By On · Add Comment · In Observation

Well I’m not, but…

As I was getting out the shower yesterday, there was a hair in the bath formed into a perfect pound symbol. Now does that mean I have money coming to me, or a big bill to pay? I’ll let you know when it happens.

Meanwhile, back to the Twilight Zone. Do do do do, do do do do….

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